Archive for Self Defense

2 results.

When Words Fail

Apr22
by on 22April22 at 0917

When people have tried to communicate a problem and have been repeatedly:

  • Blocked
  • Ignored
  • Told to report it to an uncaring or partisan authority
  • Told that they are in the wrong
  • Told that the bad actor is in the right
  • Told that they are not allowed to deal with the problem (not allowed to defend themselves)
  • Told to deal with a problem that is too big for them to deal with on their own

When people have literally lost their ability to communicate, because the words they have been speaking are not being heard and they have no idea what words will work…

People become hurt, angry, and violent. After a while of being in this state, these people will again attempt to find a resolution, either by hurting or killing themselves or someone else (possibly multiple people). This is how you end up with kids in school with a weapon or adults on top of buildings with a weapon. These people feel that they have been wronged by the populace at large.

Does this mean they are right to act this way? No. If the first person in the chain of responsibility is unwilling or unable to solve a problem, then the next person in the line should be approached. If the teachers, counselors, or principle aren’t doing their job, then the next outlet is the police, a religious leader (such as a pastor), friends, family, etc. The buck doesn’t stop with teachers.

It does mean that something has gone terribly wrong with the system and it has festered long enough that someone has felt the need to respond very violently to a bad situation. This usually indicates that the person was being attacked in a very violent manner. This can still be a mental attack, but even mental attacks can be excessively vicious and cruel.

Again, this doesn’t mean that a violently lethal response is acceptable or reasonable, but it does make it understandable. Understanding a situation is the first step in resolving a problem. Which, in the case of students being wantonly physically or mentally attacked in a school, where the authority figures ignore the problem, take away the students’ rights to defend themselves, then tell them that they are in the wrong… This situation is long overdue for correction.

I recommend putting the kids in question into an arena that lets them pit their mental and physical skills against each other. This would prevent kids from feeling that they can gang up on one kid in order to prove they are somehow the big kid on the block. And seriously, point out that kids who excel in school are more likely to get decent jobs when they graduate. Teachers are responsible for pointing this out as many times as it takes, to get the point across. Kids who are bullies are more likely to be doing poorly in their classes, because they feel the need to prevent other kids from excelling. It’s as if they think that hurting someone else’s chances somehow makes their chances better. Eventually, this kind of bad actor will get caught in the act, but can’t we put a stop to it sooner, rather than later?

Ignoring the problem usually ends up with one kid getting beat up by multiple other kids; repeatedly. The logic behind a bunch of kids feeling the need to band together to beat up on a kid they think is weaker than any one of them… This thought process still fails me, but it is what they do. Again. If you provide no solution, the kids will fight it out, outside of your view and with no rules in place.

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Bullies and other Abusers

Jun28
by on 28June14 at 1752

Abuse is long term repeated attacks, whether physical or verbal, that cause physical or mental harm. Abuse may be a “well meaning,” attempt to get someone to do or say something that the person believes to be the right thing, but that is no excuse for continued misbehavior, once the person has been advised that the behavior is abuse and unacceptable.

Are you tired of being a victim of abuse?

Whether the abuse is from a school bully, someone mistakenly called  friend, a family member (spouse, child, parent, sibling, etc.),  a coworker, or a supervisor, the first thing to learn is that no one has the right to abuse others: heart and mind. You cannot simply know a thing, you have to believe it, for it to make a difference in how you think and behave.

Stopping abuse has three primary parts:

1. The first and foremost step is to stop being a victim.

  • Predators identify prey by sight, smell, and sound. Bearing and attitude are the biggest factors in not being a victim. Face it, humans are animals and have instinctive behaviors. When humans behave like prey, those humans who are more predatory in nature, zero in and attack.

Note: Attitude and bearing are affected by self concept, affect a person’s attitude toward self and others, and affect how others see (view) and treat a person.

  • Bearing is a person’s body language: how someone stands, sits, and reacts physically. In other words, bearing is a person’s physical reactions to someone else, a situation, or an experience.
  • Attitude is a mental reaction to someone else, a situation, or an experience and is often, but not always, reflected in a person’s bearing.

– Methods useful in improving an individual’s behavior and concept of self:

  • Self defense courses, such as martial arts. Learning self defense, provides the means of preventing the production of fear pheromones (smelling like a victim), by giving the means to defend against attack and the confidence to not be terrified.
  • Personal development classes
  • Mediation classes teach people how to talk to others, by helping to identify the source of problems, mitigating factors, stressors, and solutions to issues, in order to mediate a resolution to a conflict.
  • Psychology classes
  • Public speaking classes

– People who are often mistaken for victims include people who are shy, timid, or loners. Many a bully has found out the hard way that a shy, timid, loner is not necessarily a pushover or a victim. Learning appropriate body language, however, helps to prevent an attack before it begins, by portraying a confident individual, capable of self defense and possibly returning favor for favor.

2. Educate the abuser or remove yourself from the situation.

– Sometimes people simply do not realize that their words are hurtful in the extreme. Sometimes, all it takes is having a frank discussion, laying down boundaries, and drawing a line in the sand, by advising the person that the abuse is unacceptable and that other options exist.

– Sometimes, as in the case of a bully, it does take self defense. Remember to never instigate a fight. The instigator is automatically in the wrong and such behavior leads to incarceration, expulsion, etc. You should, however, always be ready and willing to defend yourself. My father told it to me this way, “never start a fight, but you had better be ready to finish it.” In other words, do not roll over and let someone beat you up. Do not forget to get evidence, such as an audio or video recording of the confrontation/conversation, as a hazardous situation may merit a restraining order or defending the right of self defense (in court or in the principle’s office).

– If there is any concern that this is a hazardous situation (perhaps even if not), this discussion should occur in neutral territory, preferably with an authority figure (definitely with someone on hand to mediate and prevent a physical safety issue, but be ready to leave. Again, remember to get evidence.

3. Talk to someone in a position of authority over that person and be prepared to leave if that does not solve the problem.

– If the person cannot be educated, you do not have to put up with continued abuse. You have choices.

  • Jobs are a dime a dozen. A person’s life and health are not worth keeping a job. Get a new one if necessary.
  • Attend a different school.
  • A hardened bully can go to Juvy (juvenile hall) or a school for problem children.
  • A person “called friend,” who is willing to hurt a “friend,” is no friend and is easily dismissed.

– If the first person in the chain of authority contacts does not provide satisfaction, do not be afraid to go over their heads. If starting with a teacher, other options are the counselor and the principal. If starting with a supervisor, other options are the manager, human resources, or the EEO office. If the problem is with a family member, authority figures may include that person’s parent, siblings, or grandparents.

If the situation merits it, do not be afraid to take the issue to the police and do not forget that there is always the option to leave. (If underage, leaving a parent’s house does require the intervention of the police.)

Please refer to rule #5 in the courtesy rules. You are responsible for your own choices.

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